Before the days of easily accessible porn, the UK was home to an abundance of seedy porn cinemas where men and women would visit to enjoy porn and a blend of casual sex.
In London’s Soho, there was once a sex theatre on seemingly every corner. As porn became more available, many were demolished or repurposed into gentrified businesses.
Today, only a handful of porn cinemas remain across the UK. One of them is located in the Midlands.
Known as Adult World Birmingham, it’s a medium-sized sex shop in the city centre with a porn theatre attached.
I went inside to see what it was like one of the last surviving sex cinemas. Are they still as seedy as back in the day and a den of casual sex? Read on for my no-holes-barred review!
Post-Apocalyptic Porn & Awkward Silences
After leaving Birmingham New Street Station, you only have to walk a few hundred metres before you’re greeted by the alluringly sleazy blue neon signage of Adult World.
Inside, Adult World is your classic sex shop selling everything from high tech sex dolls and lube to enormous dildos and butt plugs. I approached the counter to get a ticket for the theatre.
As well as the guy working here was a scantily-clad British MILF with enhanced tits to die for. Trying to pry my eyes off her pleaser heels, she confidently introduced herself.
“Hello! Just to let you know my name is Candace and I’m the dancer for today. I’ll be doing a group show every two hours, but come and see me if you want a private lap dance. It’s £20.”
After some small talk with the friendly Candace, I paid my £15 admission and was buzzed into the cinema. Inside were around five other guys.
“A backlash against the sanitization and gentrification of the UK capital.”
– Vice News: London’s Last Sex Cinema Is Back from the Dead.
Letting my eyes adjust to the darkness, I took a seat in the back row and settled into the porn storyline on the screen. It was a post-apocalyptic themed flick with some good squirting action.
As the porn heated up, some guys would slip off for a private dance with Candace. Then, as the smut came to end, we were left staring at a blue screen with a bouncing DVD logo.
What followed was an awkward silence across the cinema for what felt like an eternity. Through the door to the sex shop, Don’t Look Back in Anger could be heard playing over the radio.
This was ironic, as, for about ten minutes, nobody inside wanted to look back and put their head over the parapet to raise the issue. After the next porn flick, the lap dance show started.
The porn abruptly cut out. The door to the theatre creaked open and the click-clack of pleaser heels rang out across the cinema. An erotic playlist kicked in and Candace took to the stage.
For a complimentary show, there were no half measures. Watching Candace’s huge tits bounce to the beat before she revealed a perfectly shaved meaty pussy was a divine sight.
I’d say the dance lasted five minutes. As the music cut out, I was the only person to give applause. Much to the understandable displeasure of Candace. Come on guys, show some love!
I had about twenty minutes until I had to leave. Let’s see what the private lapdance is all about, I thought.
A Private Lapdance With a Sticky Finish
After handing over £20 in the sex shop, I was led by the hand back through the porn theatre into the private rooms and invited to sit down and relax as Candace played some erotic music.
I asked about the rules. No sex and I wasn’t allowed to touch but I could pump my cock to the erotic show in front of me. Fair enough, I thought.
This show was far more intense than the taster in the theatre. Candace wasn’t shy about grinding her oiled-up tits in my face and thrusting her shaved slit in my face.
I’d say the show went on for just under ten minutes. From rigorously playing with her slick, wet pussy and sucking her fingers to grinding her ass on me, she sure kept it fresh and exciting.
“Before the VCR and, later, the Internet, a movie theatre was often the only location where people could see hardcore erotic films. The spread of home videos and later of Internet pornography has led to a drastic reduction in the number of adult theatres.”
– Wikipedia
As the tempo of the beat increased, Candace teased my nose with her wet, meaty pussy and in the blink of an eye, I emptied my balls.
“Jesus, that’s the biggest load I’ve seen today! I must be doing something right!” Candace joked whilst handing me some wet wipes to clean up with.
As she walked me out, my happy post-orgasm face must have been seen by a few lads in the cinema as one of them instantly jumped up to try out the private show for himself.
Facilities, Staff And Clientelle In This Sex Cinema in Birmingham
The facilities here aren’t the most expensive. It’s mainly a large porn cinema with a stripper pole next to the screen.
There are spotlessly clean toilets for customers to use and a series of private rooms used for private lapdances on request. When it comes to Gloryholes, beds etc. There’s nothing.
Compared to the proactive patrons of European and American porn theatres, those here were pretty mundane. The ages of these porn enthusiasts ranged from the mid-30s to the late 60s.
In most porn cinemas, patrons are actively playing with each other. Here, I hardly saw anybody masturbating. The numerous CCTV cameras inside might, understandably, put most people off.
My only criticism was the huge delay between porn films which was down to staff being unaware. Being left with a blue screen in awkward silence wasn’t a highlight of the day.
The private lapdance from a skilled and slutty stripper was worth the price and didn’t fail to empty my balls.
But if it wasn’t for the complimentary strip show every two hours, the entry price for the cinema alone is a little steep in my opinion.
Where Is It?
Adult World is located slap bang in the middle of the City Centre and is just a very short walk from the main New Street station.
- Address: 1 Hinckley Street, Birmingham, B5 4EB. It’s well signposted. You can’t miss it.
- Opening times: 10 am to 8:30 pm Monday to Friday. 11 am until 4 pm on Sundays.
- Admission price for the sex cinema: £15 with a ticket that allows you to leave and come back throughout the day.
The area around the sex shop is rather busy during the day, so not the most discreet sometimes. If you’re shy about visiting, perhaps wait until after 17:00.
Its proximity to Birmingham New Street Station makes it the perfect place to kill some time in a kinky environment if you’re waiting around for your train.
Tips For Visiting
With porn theatres, it’s hit and miss as to what you might find. You may hit lucky and visit at the same time as a swinging couple, or you might not. Here are some tips for visiting:
- Don’t hesitate to try out a private lapdance for £20. You can have it in one of the private rooms or be a show-off in the cinema if you’re an exhibitionist type.
- Try to visit on a weekend when there is more chance of it being busy. I visited during a weekday and it was naturally quieter.
- As always, try to sit in the back row. This way, you can observe any naughty fun happening on the seats in front and you’ll have a better view of the screen.
- When the lap dance show starts, try to get a seat closer to the front for a better view of the stripper.
- Adult World Birmingham has an active Twitter page announcing which lap dancers are scheduled and which porn flicks will be played.
Is This Sex Cinema a Good Place For Days Out in Birmingham For Adults?
To sum up, I feel that I’ve been spoiled by the sexual debauchery of porn cinemas in Europe so I’m picky about establishments. However, Adult World Birmingham is indeed well worth visiting.
Why? This sex shop has taken it upon itself to maintain what was once a staple of the sexual ecosystem across the UK, Europe, and North America. And the team really try their best.
Overall, it’s spotlessly clean and well maintained. The complimentary strip shows every two hours is a nice feature. And if you get bored, a stunning lapdancer is ready for private dances.
But from adding some basic play areas to staff being more on the ball, there’s certainly room for improvement. Check it out for yourself if you have some spare time in Birmingham.
Keep Exploring Sexual Institutions!
This isn’t the first kinky spot I’ve visited to do a field report, and it won’t be the last! Check out some of my other reviews of erotic establishments around the world:
