It is frankly astonishing that we are in this, the Year of Our Lord 2022, and there are still ISPs outside of North Korea and China that refuse access to pornography.
However, many of us live in quasi-puritanical states that like to affect an air of moral superiority and pretend they don’t like watching Brazilian fart-fetish porn like the rest of us.
This unfortunately means that we live in a world where VPNs are necessary in order to live our daily lives (read: wank).
But if you’re not well-versed with VPNs, it can be pretty tricky to dive into. Hell, you might not even know what a VPN is.
Let’s remedy that right now! Today, we will show you which is the best VPN for porn and how to use them like a digital condom in the online minefield of porn sites!
So, What is a VPN And How Does it Work?
A VPN is a Virtual Private Network – a service that encrypts all of your data and obscures both your IP address and physical location.
A VPN makes it safe to both access websites on public Wi-Fi without being spied on, and hide your activity from your ISP.
ISPs can, as we’ve already pointed out, quite often be dicks about what you do with your own internet connection that you pay for.
“You need to think of the internet as basically a digital street hooker. Super tempting and full of all kinds of sticky earthly pleasures, but still quite likely to give you (internet) diseases.”
As you can imagine, all of these functions come in incredibly handy for someone who both values their privacy and who wants to be able to access anything they want, irrespective of the spurious moral restrictions placed upon you by your government or ISP.
Basically, to sum up: A VPN is the digital condom you wear when you want to fuck the internet, the government, and your ISP. And it’s ribbed for your pleasure.
I Love Fucking The Internet! But what if I Wanna Go Bareback?
Oh, dear. Let us answer your question, hypothetical reader, with a question: would you bareback a street hooker? Of course, you wouldn’t.
You need to think of the internet as basically a digital street hooker. Super tempting and full of all kinds of sticky earthly pleasures, but still quite likely to give you (internet) diseases.
And maybe sell your personal information to a third party. We don’t know if Namibian hookers actually do that, but it’s possible.
Basically, there are a whole bunch of reasons why you want to be using a VPN – even (and especially) if you don’t actually need one. Here are five reasons you need to know about:
It Obscures Your IP Address
People are dicks, and this goes double on the internet. Some of these people are such dicks they might be inclined to trace your location and doxx you (share your personal information publicly or with a group of trolls), SWAT you (send a SWAT team to your house) or simply turn up and start hassling you in person.
A VPN circumvents that by obscuring your IP address, making it much harder for someone to obtain your physical location. If you plan on calling people dipshits on Twitter, get a VPN.
It Circumvents ISP/Government Restrictions
Whether you’re living behind the Great Firewall of China or just have a needlessly puritanical ISP, it may well be that your access to certain sites is restricted.
A VPN is the fastest and easiest way around this –whatever is blocking your access to whatever content (let’s be honest, it’s porn) will be unable to block the request because of your VPN encryption, and voilà – more boobs and pussy than you can shake your dick at.
It Encrypts Your Connection to Public Wi-Fi
So you’re out and about in public, making use of Starbucks Wi-Fi. A sudden urge to spin up some hentai and relocate to the toilet for a quick bout of onanism strikes you.
But wait – this is a public network. What if some random pervert decides to piggyback off your connection and spy on your hentai while you’re hunched double in the toilet, pumping your fist?
Fear not: with a VPN, your connection cannot be spied upon. Even if you’re on an unsecured public network.
So load up your VPN and go nuts with your Sailor Moon transgender yaoi hentai!
It Keeps Your Personal Data From Apps And Websites
It’s not just your ISP and Joe Q. Public you need to be concerned about – websites you visit are always collecting data on you, and they may well sell that data to third parties.
Yes, this includes porn sites, who may be tracking your viewing habits and forming quite a portrait of you, you naughty stepsister-falls-on-dick-compilation-watching pervert.
A VPN prevents this by stopping your browsing history from being attributed to your IP address, and also limits your browser and search history being collected.
It Grants Access to Location-Restricted Content
Certain content is region-locked – you can’t watch the BBC unless you’re in the UK, you can’t watch certain Hulu shows unless you’re in the US, and you can’t watch porn at all if you’re in China.
VPNs make such concerns a thing of the past. Want to watch BBC soft-porn classic Tipping the Velvet? Just choose a UK-based VPN and away you go.
That one episode of Friends or Ally McBeal or basically any 90s US TV show where they did a Lesbian Kiss? Stick your VPN on and go nuts.
Alright, I’m In! But Which Is The Best VPN For Porn?
There are many, many options out there on the VPN market, and it can be a little bewildering to figure out your options. Luckily, dear reader, we’re here to help!
Nord VPN
One of the best-regarded VPNs on the market, Nord VPN is a powerful, easy-to-use application with servers located in more than 50 countries.
The app boasts a whole host of features on its standard plan, including the ability to have up to 6 devices simultaneously making use of the VPN (most allow only 5), direct access to the TOR anonymization network (which provides further privacy), and its so-called “double VPN” system, in which your connection is routed through 2 servers for additional security.
“Stay digitally safe and digitally strapped!”
Nord also offers an experimental new service that monitors the dark web for compromised login information being sold there; if your login credentials are found there, you’ll be alerted so you can alter your information and prevent your account from being hacked.
Though a tad on the pricey side, there’s no doubt that Nord is one of the industry’s best options. Nord VPN comes highly recommended.
All in all, Nord is a fantastic option to ensure that your data remains your own.
Express VPN
Another VPN behemoth, Express is very well-regarded for a number of reasons, including but not limited to its user-friendly interface, the stability of its servers (which they have in 93 countries!) and its unparalleled ability to unblock streaming services.
Whilst other VPN apps might get you Netflix America, Hulu or iPlayer – but not all of them – Express unblocks just about any streaming platform you can imagine.
This goes double for your YouTube-style porn sites like PornHub or SpankWire, which run perfectly through Express.
Express is also a solid choice for torrenting (if you prefer to get your skin flicks that way); it offers a good number of peer-to-peer servers.
These peer-to-peer servers are optimal for uninterrupted torrenting capability, and you’ll soon have that 1080p rip of Debbi Does Dallas sitting on your hard drive.
Express is also noted for its extremely straightforward and accessible user interface. Whether on Mac, PC, iOS or Android, it’s extremely easy to choose a server and get to work.
Express comes highly recommended, particularly for newer VPN users who would prefer a straightforward solution to their sneaky browsing needs.
CyberGhost VPN
A VPN service with a fantastic network of servers and an expansive suite of features, CyberGhost VPN is one of the best companies out there for those looking to keep their data private.
CyberGhost pips even Nord for a number of simultaneously-connected devices, offering a whopping seven devices at any one time.
This is perfect for those of you who insist on watching seven different angles from a cam feed in seven different rooms of your house.
CyberGhost also offers special high-security “No-Spy” servers, located in their home country of Romania.
These servers are stored in special high-security facilities that will deter even the most demented hacker ninjas from breaching and stealing your data.
The company also offers integrated malware and ad blocking – a rarity for a VPN provider – and, whilst it does not offer TOR access as part of its service, it does provide split-tunnelling, allowing you to specify URLs which will be exempt from VPN tunnelling (and thus faster).
The real feather in CyberGhost’s cap is the staggering array of servers offered. CyberGhost has 7000 servers in 91 countries, beating out Nord and almost equaling the mighty Express.
It even has direct on-site servers in countries such as China and Russia, which traditionally frown upon VPN use.
All in all, CyberGhost is a very competitive VPN service with the best server network of any company out there.
IPVanish VPN
Another lesser-known VPN service with a great server network and some very competitive features, IPVanish is based in the US and has been operating for around 10 years.
With its impressively large network – 2000 servers based in around 70 countries – IPVanish is able to reduce the congestion on any given server at any given time, resulting in impressively speedy connections no matter where you are or when you’re using the VPN.
IPVanish is also very proud of its “zero logs” policy, which means that your data is gone the second you log off from their VPN servers.
IPVanish also features a ‘kill switch’ option, which means that if your connection drops during… whatever it is that you’re doing (we’re not here to judge), then your internet connection (or, at your discretion, just your browser or browsers) will drop too.
This impressive kill-switch feature ensures that no unencrypted traffic is accidentally sent out at all.
IPVanish is definitely one worth considering if you travel a lot and need a consistently speedy connection, irrespective of the country you’re in.
TunnelBear VPN
One for the more budget-conscious VPN users out there, TunnelBear is an affordable (and adorable) VPN service with a great commitment to protecting your data and, well, lots of bears.
TunnelBear is one of the few VPNs to offer a truly free VPN service – a rarity in the business. However, this is capped at 500mb of data per month, which isn’t really enough to be doing much of anything.
You can increase this threefold by tweeting about the company once per month, but even at 1.5GB you’ll be struggling, and should really be considering buying a paid plan.
TunnelBear is a bit bare-bones compared to some of the bigger names in the VPN biz, but it’s also extremely cheap. For your $10 or so per month, you’ll get VPN encryption, which is often all you’ll need to prevent prying eyes from falling on your personal data.
The company has recently improved its VPN encryptions, allowing P2P connections and thus providing for torrenting through their servers.
TunnelBear’s coverage is respectable considering it’s a smaller, cheaper company – it has servers in around 49 countries at the time of writing – and overall it’s a solid option for those looking to bash the bishop without breaking the bank.
In Conclusion, a VPN is Your Best Friend When Watching Porn
There are, of course, many other VPNs out there for those wishing to peruse porn without inviting peeping Toms, and we couldn’t possibly hope to cover them all here.
Nevertheless, the five covered are some of the very best options on the market when it comes to the best VPN for porn.
From comprehensive packages to simple VPN encryption, we hope to have provided you with all you need to get started on your very own encrypted surfing adventure.
Related Guides to Online Sex
- The Expert Adult Friend Finder Review: Is it Legit in 2022?
- Sex, Camera, Action! The Top 8 Unmissable Adult Cam Sites
- A Horny Nerds Guide to The Best Online Porn Games in 2022
And so, my dear reader, remember to stay digitally safe and digitally strapped. Invest in a VPN today!
