Smooci review – If you’ve spent any amount of time on location in SE Asia, you know it’s not particularly hard to find a date and get a local girl friend as an ex-pat.
Hell, spend a month or two in the region, and you’ll have hot girls falling over you to date you, fuck you, and help you spend your money.
The downside of that, of course, is that there are strings attached. These girls ain’t all over you because you look like a movie star, fellas.
They’re all over you because you’re a westerner, and westerners are rich. These girls are likely expecting marriage and kids out of this equation, so don’t go thinking you can have a casual fling with a Thai or Filipina girl and walk away scot-free.
Unless, of course, you’re a film star. In which case, what are you doing reading this review of an Asian escort site? Don’t you have some gorgeous supermodels to nail?
For the rest of us, there’s Smooci. It’s a well-regarded escort site throughout Asia (largely SE Asia) and is a quick and easy way to get a smoking-hot chick bouncing on your dick in less than an hour.
And as the old adage goes with hookers: you don’t pay for the sex; you pay for the escort to leave afterwards.
So skip the minefield of trying to get casual sex with normal Asian girls and pay for it like the rest of us whoremongers and let me Smooci review guide you.
Or, save yourself time and give Smooci a try for yourself here!
What is Smooci?
Smooci is, as I mentioned, an escort agency website which does exactly what you’d expect an escort agency site to do: provide a list of escorts along with their contact details.
Using SMO Tech software, the site facilitates you meeting up with, and I can only presume fucking, said escort girls. It couldn’t be simpler.
Smooci itself doesn’t employ the girls, though; it just hosts their profiles and acts as a platform through which they can advertise their services.
For the people on the other end of the equation (us perverts), it allows them to easily check out girls, see their reviews and ratings, and book them quickly and easily.
The features of Smooci range from letting you see photos of the girls in full HD to detailed reviews from clients who’ve been there before and lots of safety features for both clients and hooker girls.
There is also a premium account option that confers a number of features and benefits (which I’ll get to later).
Does Smooci Charge The Escorts?
Smooci doesn’t charge the escorts a dime – the sex workers advertising their companion services keep 100% of the money they charge for your time.
Smooci makes its money by charging clients (that would be you, Mister) for the service.
It’s worth noting that this doesn’t mean you need to get a subscription to use Smooci’s services, though. It does definitely help (which, again, I’ll get to later).
How Does Smooci Work?
Smooci is a very smooth and straightforward experience, for the most part.
Choose Your Location
This part is hard to miss, as the website prompts you to choose your location, Bangkok, for example; as soon as you go to it, you’ll be shown all of the escorts available in Bangkok near your location.
Choose The Kind Of Girl You Want
Regarding escorts, there are two flavors of girls in SE Asia, as everyone knows: those with cocks and those without.
If you can’t tell from photos which are which, just ask the girl, and she’ll likely be honest with you rather than risk a bad online review on the app.
Choose your poison and saddle up, cowboy.
From 1 Hour to 24 Hours, Choose How Long You Want a Companion For
The next step is to specify how long you require your escort’s services for. The time you spend with your horny companion is up to you.
You can choose anywhere from 2 hours (1 hour is premium members only, so if you’re a preemie you’ll wanna put your hand in your pocket) up to 24 hours for a marathon session with your chosen girls.
The longer you choose to spend with escorts, the less you’ll ultimately pay – good news for all you hot-blooded Lotharios out there. Or those who’ve invested in a jumbo pack of viagra.
Choose What Time You Want To Meet
Choose anytime that fits you to meet your chosen escorts, as long as it’s not within the next hour and it’s no further into the future than 4 hours, the time is down to what suits clients best.
If you’re a premium member, you can choose a time further ahead in time – perfect for international jet-setters who need to be balls-deep in a hooker in precisely 25 hours.
Filter To Perfection
Once you’ve got all the boring logistics shit out of the way, you can get down to the good stuff – looking at all the results your search filters have turned up on the Smooci app.
You can really mess with the filters process, specifying stuff like age, height and likes. Want 50-year-old girls who love rimming men? Smooci doesn’t judge, but I do, you fucking degenerate.
Choose A Girl And Get Her To Your Room
Once all that’s done, you can browse the girls, find one you like, and set up a date.
To successfully meet the escorts, you’ll need to provide a few details like your name (it doesn’t need to be real, Mr Doe), Bangkok hotel room number, etc.
It helps if the girl can find you, in my experience. You can also throw in special requests with the filters (e.g. “dress like Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”) and extras.
Is Using Smooci Safe?
In a nutshell: yes. It’s safer than picking up a girl off the street (for both parties), and it’s safer than bar/go-go girls.
The issue with freelancer girls and streetwalker escorts is one of trust; how can you trust her not to steal your wallet and phone when you’re in the shower? How can she trust you not to be Jack the Ripper?
There are very few assurances in these kinds of situations, and it can lead to a bunch of tense, pissed-off people not getting off to anything other than the thought of no longer being in the other person’s company.
Smooci sidesteps all that, as a good escort site/app should. Like your favourite pizza app, Smooci tracks where the escort girl is, for your safety, peace of mind, and hers.
Smooci also allows verification in the form of feedback on the platform, so if you do have a shitty experience, you can let your fellow whoremongers know with a positive or negative online review.
The Smooci site also requires a phone or email confirmation for age verification, so chuckleheads with an internet connection can’t waste the escorts’ time with prank requests.
Above all, Smooci is discreet. You don’t have to use your real name, and it’s not going to be plastered all over the morning papers that you deep-dove a transsexual prostitute’s colon for 3 hours.
Where Can You Use Smooci?
Smooci is all about that SE Asia tail, and it’s there that you’ll find the most hits. However, it’s no longer limited to just that region, and you can find it in a bunch of places.
Smooci now operates in:
- Asia (Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Hong Kong, Philippines, Indonesia, Cambodia, Malaysia)
- Europe (Spain, UK, Germany, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal)
Be aware, though, that you won’t get many hits in some places.
I tried Bristol in the UK (I don’t live there, don’t stalk me), and the only hit I got back looked like a necromancer botched a resurrection ritual on Amy Winehouse. It was really difficult to cum in her…
Standard Membership Vs. Premium
I dunno if I’ve mentioned it, but there is the option for premium membership when using Smooci.
I know what you’re thinking: “why the fuck should I bother to pay for premium when I can book escorts using a standard account, you well-hung genius?”
In response, I’d first thank you for your unexpected but startlingly accurate compliment. Then I’d tell you that premium membership has a bunch of benefits that will make your life easier, including but not limited to:
Escort Booking Discounts
Premium members get discounts on the girls. It’s that simple. Well, not quite that simple: the longer the escort booking, the bigger the discount.
This makes it well worth doing if you’re one of these types that like to engage the services of a hooker for like three months at a stretch.
Premium Members Get Access To Fellow User Reviews
Normal users of this escort booking platform can see the ratings of fellow users but not the reviews.
If you’re wondering why an escort in Bangkok called Nok has only three stars and a name that looks like it belongs on a Star Wars alien, you’re forever in the dark as a standard Smooci user.
Premium users, however, get full access. They may learn that she shit in the cistern of her last client’s hotel toilet and left a used sanitary pad on his pillow (and also that she loves the Original Trilogy but can take or leave the Prequels).
If you’re a premium user and have performance issues, you can book a girl for as little as an hour.
This will help mask your status as a beta male and also ensure that you don’t waste money on an hour and forty-five minutes of pillow talk after you’ve blown your load.
Book Up To 24 Hours In Advance
Gonna be in Bangkok in exactly one day and don’t have time to browse their extensive catalog of poon-flingers? Fear not, my good man; Smooci Premium has your back.
Simply browse while on your flight (I know you’re charging that plane Wi-Fi to the company account like the alpha baller you are) and book your girl up to a day in advance.
How Much Is a Premium Smooci Membership?
The good news is that premium membership really isn’t all that much in the grand scheme of things (especially since you’ll likely be dropping hundreds of dollars for these slutty girls).
As is fairly standard for this kind of thing, the longer you get, the less you’ll pay:
- 3 days for $9.99
- 7 days for $14.99
- 30 days for $24.99
- 1 year for $99.99
The Smooci Experience: I Hire A Bangkok Escort For Science
All of this shit we call “words” in this Smooci review is all well and good, but there’s only one way to find out if this shit is the real deal: by doing it yourself.
So I hired a Smooci escort. Not because I wanted to, mind you (I am a clean-living family man) but for you guys reading this Smooci review. For science.
So that said, I hired a slinky 20-something ladyboy escort (see her on Smooci here) named Noi (no relation to Nok of cistern-shitting and sanitary-pad flinging fame).
I happened to be in Bangkok on a layover for 24 hours, and I had Noi come on up to my hotel room. I added her to my hotlist whilst browsing the escort girls on Smooci on the plane’s Wi-Fi a few hours before landing.
Noi was amazingly discreet. She didn’t run screaming into my hotel lobby, screaming about loving me longtime or anything.
I know this because I was watching her progress carefully through the streets of Bangkok on the app’s GPS.
This makes sure that you’ve got time for a pre-game shower or to splash on some cologne or whatever you dirty, dirty reprobates do before you meet a paid escort for illicit sex.
Noi arrived about five minutes after the time I booked on the app, which I graciously chose not to hold against Smooci.
She made up for it by being a pretty damn smoking hot ladyboy escort, if not quite like her pictures (a problem I find ubiquitous in the age of the beauty filter).
Noi’s English was about as good as my Thai, which is to say limited in the extreme. This proved not to be a problem, as she simply whipped out my cock and went to town.
My immaculate hotel room floor (thanks, H*lton) was turned into a mass of deepthroat spit and precum in the space of a minute when this ladyboy escort got to work.
Noi wasted no time and really went into her own BBBJ world, using my dick like it was her personal dildo. I was in no position to complain, not least because I linguistically couldn’t.
Noi proved to be quite the firecracker in the sack. I had paid for a 2-hour booking (no premium membership for the purposes of science, I’m afraid), and she made sure it was a wild time.
This easily-arranged trans escort didn’t even flinch when I slid balls deep into her smooth asshole, instead choosing to slam her bouncy Thai ass back on my dick to take me for a wild.
After I pumped my dick over Noi’s mouth and painted a map of Hawaii all over her face, I was content with a porn star-like experience.
Plus, we still had some time to shower together and chill. Which naturally lead to another BBBJ experience with my short-time companion.
We even went and had a drink in the hotel bar afterwards, an experience as socially awkward and pointless as my son’s second christening.
All in all, I can’t really fault Smooci or the services that it offers. I was able to have an escort come directly to my hotel room and do all sorts of depraved shit to me.
Plus, I didn’t have to pay Smooci a penny (nor did Noi; I’m sure she would have communicated this to me eloquently and at length had we a language in common).
If there’s one thing I’d say, it’s that Noi was slightly less hot than her pictures would have suggested. Again, this is modern society’s problem and not Smooci’s.
The Climax of This Smooci Review
You can’t really fault Smooci when it comes to delivering on its promise to let you search for hot escort girls and get them to your hotel room in a timely fashion.
The fact that it’s all done through the site makes it safe and discreet for everyone involved.
Though Smooci can’t control the behavior of an escort once she shows up, user feedback means you can get a decent feel for who’s worth it and who’s going to shit in your cistern (fun fact: it’s called a double-decker).
Related Asian Mongering Location Guides
- The Certified Cambodia Sex Tourism Guide
- The International Thailand Sexpat Vacation Guide From Bangkok to Pattaya
- The Slutty Singapore Sex Guide (Girls, Escorts, Brothels!)
Whether you’re in Bangkok or Berlin, Smooci can be the difference between a shit escort experience and the fuck of a lifetime with the girl of your dreams.
But don’t just read the reviews from other Smooci clients; check out the app here and see what all the fuss is about for yourself!